We Hit 4K on Youtube And I'm Still Figuring It Out

4,000 subscribers. It may not sound like a massive number in a world of viral videos and overnight success stories, but for me, someone who has been on this platform since 2014, it means alot. And I want to take a moment to actually sit with that, celebrate it, and be honest about the journey that got me here.

If you've read my previous posts, you know I have a habit of starting things and burning them down. I've had YouTube channels before, and like a restless creative, I'd eventually get tired of the platform, delete everything, and move on. But this channel was different from the start, or at least, it had different intentions.

My husband and I were living in Southern California, and we knew a big change was coming. We were planning to leave, but before we did, we had a list of adventures ahead of us: backpacking the John Muir Trail for several months, then spending a month in Japan, and finally making the move to the Pacific Northwest. I started this channel with the best of intentions, to document every moment of it. To share those experiences, connect with people, and carve out a creative outlet that was entirely my own.

And the trips? They happened. They were incredible. The move happened, and we fell in love with life in the Pacific Northwest. But the documentation? Only little bits and pieces made it onto the channel. 

Life moved faster than the edit timeline. Here's the thing I've wrestled with for years: I genuinely love making videos. And I genuinely hate making videos. At the same time, in the same breath.

I think it comes down to perfectionism. In my head, every video should look like a beautifully crafted documentary, cinematic, intentional, meaningful. But in reality, what I'm filming is a vlog. My life. Imperfect, unscripted, real. And the gap between what I envision and what I produce has, more times than I'd like to admit, kept me from hitting publish at all.

I went through phases, vlogging every single day and then going completely silent for months. I'd have footage captured and just... sit on it. I was my own harshest critic, and that inner critic was louder than any comment section ever could be.

Despite the inconsistency, things have still happened. I got accepted into the YouTube Creators Program. I've met other creators, attended events, and found community in spaces I didn't expect to find it. My channel has grown - slowly, yes, very slowly, but it has grown.

And yet, I still haven't found my north star when it comes to content. I like so many things. I want to document everything. But I've always second-guessed whether a life documented in all its scattered, beautiful chaos is something people actually want to watch. The videos that tend to resonate most are my travel videos, reviews, and (of course) my dog shorts, and that tells me something, even if I'm still figuring out what.

Here's where I land when I really think about why I keep doing this: I love looking back.

I love watching old videos and seeing where I was, what I was thinking, how I was feeling. There's something almost magical about being able to revisit a version of yourself from years ago and understand her, the worries, the joy, the uncertainty. As I get older, being able to witness my own growth in that way is something I treasure deeply.

Just like this blog, I want my YouTube channel to be a reflection of growth, improvement, and inspiration. But also selfishly, honestly, a place that is mine. A memory archive. A time capsule.

So yes, 4,000 subscribers is a slow-burn milestone. The channel isn't monetized. I don't have hundreds of thousands of followers. But I am so deeply grateful for every single person who has chosen to spend even a few minutes watching something I made. That means more than the numbers ever could.

My hope for this channel, and for myself is that it keeps evolving. That it becomes a little more consistent, a little more confident, and maybe, just maybe, someday an inspiration to someone out there to take chances, take risks, invest in themselves, and live the life they truly want.

We're just getting started. Thank you for being here.